Checklist for Hidden Anger

  1. Procrastination in the completion of imposed tasks.

  2. Perpetual or habitual lateness.

  3. A liking for sadistic or ironic humor.

  4. Sarcasm, cynicism or flippancy in conversation.

  5. Frequent sighing.

  6. over politeness, constant cheerfulness, attitude of "grin and bear it".

  7. Smiling while hurting.

  8. Frequent disturbing or frightening dreams.

  9. Over-controlled monotone speaking voice

  10. Difficulty in getting to sleep or sleeping through the night.

  11. Boredom, apathy, loss of interest in things you are usually enthusiastic about.

  12. Slowing down of movements.

  13. Getting tired more easily than usual.

  14. Excessive irritability over trifles.

  15. Getting drowsy at inappropriate times.

  16. Sleeping more than usual / maybe 12 to 14 hours a day.

  17. Waking up tired rather than rested or refreshed.

  18. Clenched jaws or grinding of the teeth / especially while sleeping.

  19. Facial tics, spasmodic foot movements, habitual fist clenching and similar repeated physical acts done unintentionally or unaware.

  20. Chronically stiff or sore neck or shoulder muscles.

  21. Chronic depression... extended periods of feeling down for no reason.

  22. Stomach ulcers.

Anger Control

  • How many times have you gotten abusive toward your partner and thought,  "If they hadn't done/said _____ I would not have lost control."

  • We normally tend to think that events trigger emotions.  (I come home to a dirty house and get angry at my wife)

  • Couples who have been abusive typically have a hard time voicing their feelings. They tend to hold "things" inside; tend to experience any emotional arousal as anger.

  • However, anger control is developed through recognizing how beliefs, values, and thoughts create anger.

Emotions can be controlled    A-B-C Theory of Emotional Arousal
Assumption:Events do not trigger anger, rather it is the interpretation of
events that determines whether anger will be triggered.
a. "A" stands for the incident or Activating event.
b. "B" stands for the beliefs about the activating event.
c. "C" stands for the consequent emotions.
Beliefs represent a form of self-talk.
a. I come home to a dirty house.
b. I talk to myself saying, "She never does what I ask her. If she loved me, she would have done it. It's not fair. I work all day and she sits around. I can't stand it".
The dirty house did not cause my anger. It is the beliefs I have about why the house is dirty that triggers me into resentment and abusive behavior toward my partner.